Stop me if you’ve heard this one:

- A team comes into the Delta Center with a long road losing streak, only to prove extremely tough (Yep, Boston found the answer to their road woes just a couple of weeks ago)

- A team builds a huge lead, only to give it all back when they hit 1 shot from the field in the fourth quarter (Sacramento did this last month).

- Larry Miller puts his foot in his mouth, thinking before he acts (See “Brokeback Mountain debacle, screaming at his team, etc.)

- The Jazz, after almost blowing the game, miraculously win (See Chicago, Sacramento, Monday night…)

See what I mean? The Orlando game was ripe with “Didn’t this already happen?” moments. Fortunately, that last one also came true, and the Jazz did indeed steal a victory. I can only imagine that they are excited to play again tonight, if only to quell some of the talk that has burned up the national and local news, talk radio, and message boards. After such a seemingly innocent game, there was much to hash out.

First, the Jazz were coming off of a pounding administered at the hands of the last-place Sonics, who had 38 fast break points and prompted Sloan to bench Memo and AK. I was at our family Oscar party, and actually making homemade root beer at the time, so I was spared from watching THAT mess. So when Orlando rolled into town, it seemed like a good opportunity to put that behind them. And they did…for three quarters. They had a 15-point lead going into the fourth quarter, and against a crummy team like the Magic, at home, double-digit lead, you absolutely HAVE to put the game away. That’s when the old lid got clamped on the basket, and suddenly, it’s a tie ball game. What scared me the most was not the missed field goals, because teams will go cold from time to time (especially the 29th-ranked offense), it was the continuation an alarming trend of missed free throws. It is a just a lack of concentration, in my opinion, and the Jazz have a small enough margin of error on the offensive side of the ball that they don’t need to give points away like they have in the last half dozen games. Everytime a Jazz player misses a free throw, my wife says “If I made that much money playing basketball, I’d make at least 90% of my free throws”. I’d actually be happy with the 75-80% across the board, but I get her point.

So now the stage is set…26 seconds left, tie ball game, timeout…and here comes Larry across the court (presumably weaving through the Jazz Dancers) to scream at Kevin O’Connor and Dennis Haslam. Now Larry wears his heart proudly on his sleeve. He cries just a little LESS easy than Dick Vermeil, and just a little MORE easy than any female watching “The Notebook”. You always know where you stand with him. But this seemed like a really strange time to air his dirty laundry, especially considering the Jazz WON the game. I belive that the owner has all the right in the world to yell at his players and coaches, but how is that anything but a huge distraction when they are trying to win a pretty crucial game? Here’s my theory: Larry was fed up with every smarmy talking head on ESPN, ESPN radio, local guys, etc. laughing it up about Kirilenko’s wife revelation that she gives him a “one night per year allowance”. The votes for “Wife of the year”, the obligatory “I wonder what my wife would say if I asked her”, all of these were cheap laughs, not all that funny, and VERY tired after about three days. So Larry decided to give them all something else to talk about.

While I didn’t see it personally, and Larry has tried to downplay his actions (which he normally does when he cools down), it was a big enough deal that Jim Rome, PTI, Dan Patrick, etc. all commented on what happened and weighed in with their opinions. I don’t think it was a Cuban-esque performance, but he’s one of only a handful of owners who seem to make headlines for something or other. Again, he’s writing the checks, and he’s entitled to say what he wants. But his actions would not garner nearly as many headlines if he acted less impulsively (just like that whole “Brokeback Mountain” debacle).

Two things to bring from all of this:

1. I don’t think that Larry will be owning the team a whole lot longer. He is just too much of a fan. And I don’t mean a jock-sniffing fan, a real genuine fan. Plus, he’s a businessman, and when he doesn’t feel like his money is being invested wisely, he’ll get out. Larry needs to have his courtside seats, come to the game, and go home after, either elated or upset like the rest of us, and let someone else lock up and turn off the lights. He should go watch his new racetrack get built, or hang out with his other team, the Stingers. Minor league baseball is night and day compared to the NBA. When I was in high school, my buddies and I went to see the Salt Lake Trappers win their championship. Celebrity part-owner Bill Murray threw the first pitch over the backstop, they played that recording of Frank Layden singing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame”, and when they had won, we were waiting for everyone to run onto the field and celebrate so that we could too. But nobody did. Everyone was just there for a good time. Heck, I’ve even taken a multi-inning nap on the grass in left field before, but that’s a story for another time. Now, if some high-priced player is at Franklin Covey, they’re probably on a rehab assignment from the Angels, and someone else is paying their inflated salary. Larry needs to go sit in his owner’s box, watch the sun set, and relax.

2. I think that Jerry will ride off into the sunset at the end of the year. And before I get into this, I would like to state for the record:

- I love Jerry Sloan

- I love that his nickname was the “Chainsaw”

- I love that when the guy he guarded dribbled between his legs, Sloan would knock him to the ground.

- I love when the courtside mikes pick up his distinctive voice dropping F-bombs. He also makes it easy to read lips.

- I love his integrity, and his passion.

Jerry has been here for almost every glorious moment in Jazz history. He brought the team to the brink of a championship two years in a row. Some say that his teams underachieved, that they should have something to show for having two of the 50 greatest together for 13 years. And while I would love to have seen the Jazz get all the way to the top of the mountain, He whose name will not be spoken was reigning at the time, and there were plenty of players who didn’t get their due because they were playing in the NMJBA. Even in their best years, the Jazz were still just Stockton, Malone, a valient-but-aging Hornacek, and 9 role players. Most years they didn’t even get picked to win their division at the start.

All that said, here are the two things that I HATE about Jerry:

First, he refuses to change his ways. I understand that consistency is a necessity, but so is a little evolution. When those stellar Jazz teams kept getting knocked off in the 90’s, Jerry stayed with the “double team the post, and let them swing the ball around the arc to a wide open three-point shooter”, even after getting burned. Hey, we held Hakeem to 18 points. Too bad Kenny Smith, Eddie Johnson, and Robert Horry hit a combined 65 three-pointers. And nowadays, the league has changed. Defense is always going to be at a premium, but the offensive side of the ball has changed. Jerry still wants to throw it to someone on the low block every trip down the court and point and make that silly illegal defense motion. But it’s a guard’s league now. The Lebron/Dwyane/Kobe mold is what teams are molding themselves around. On any given night, the Jazz offense can purr like a NASCAR engine, but when you’re 29th out of 30 teams in offense, there is certainly room to improve.

Second, Jerry does not seem to be very good at dealing with young players. I don’t know if he just can’t relate to them or what, but they don’t seem to get the playing time that they need to develop. If Jerry leaves at the end of the year, it will be very interesting to see how D-Will and the other young guys develop. Should be interesting!

A quick word on getting my hair cut. I’ve been a Supercuts guy for years. They’re close by, fairly inexpensive, and I can call ahead to put my name on the list, so I don’t end up sitting in the lobby reading “Children’s Highlights”, (although I’m a sucker for “Goofus and Gallant”). But, I’m kind of like the guy who dates a girl for a long time, and doesn’t think twice about hitting on a hot girl at the bar. Not really that loyal to Supercuts, in other words. So when Great Clips had a “$6.99 Haircut Sale” sign outside their place, I dropped the old standby to go slumming. I ran out on my lunch, got the cut, came back to work, and walked past the security guard. He said “Hey, nice haircut”

HMMMMM…maybe I should revise my theory to include girls who are interested in me, AND really bored security guards who have nothing else to do. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to hand out three dollar bills.

Speaking of getting shorn, did you see the last Jazz game? Coming off an improbale win on the road the night before, playing the woeful Bobcats, getting the chance to cut the Laker lead to a half game.

WHIFF.

From my usual monitoring post at work, this was one of those games that was never in doubt. Just a horrible game. They made Charlotte look great, made themselves look awful, and just plain blew an opportunity. This is one of those games that you look back on at the end of the year when your team misses the playoffs by a game (like two years ago), and you say “Man, if only we hadn’t lost to the Bobcats”. Charlotte has only won 10 road games in their short, two year existence, and 2 of those have come at the Delta Center. Yikes.

The sad part is that they did something the night before that could have been a major turning point in the right way. At Golden State, they gave back a 20-point lead, looking like they were going to give the game away, only to hit a couple of big shots and ride the momentum into overtime and pull away with a big win. The next night…all of that good was lost. The haters and the doubters are back in full force. I have two thoughts about the Jazz:

1. What’s the deal with going into the tank at home? The Delta Center used to be a lock for 3-4 losses, tops. Right now the Jazz are 13-15 at home and 14-15 on the road. Not too many teams with that kind of home vs. road record. I know that the days of Stockton-to-Malone are gone, but being at home doesn’t seem to provide much of a lift, something that would seem to benefit a young team. My guess is that they are consistently inconsistent. Regardless of venue, they can play well enough against anyone to win (2-0 vs. the Pistons?), and certainly play poor enough to lose anytime, anywhere (please see Wednesday’s debacle). The good news is that if they can squeak into the playoffs and get hot, they can compete with pretty much any team. Or, they could drop 15 of their next 20 and start praying to the lottery gods.

2. Nice of the Jazz karma to help me out. You see, I have trouble keeping track of more than two of our star players at a time. I don’t know who to watch, who to cheer for, etc. So, when Boozer finally came back, and is finally getting into the flow of things, it’s nice to not have to worry about AK for a few games at least. Right now, I just have to watch Memo and Boozer, and that’s all I can handle. Having all of our players healthy at the same time, finally getting to play together? Too much of a bother for me

Although I would like to know if Andrei’s back spasms are related to his “once-a-year free pass”…

p.s. Just noticed that the Jazz/Clips game has been pushed back to 8:00 MST so that ESPN can broadcast it. All I can say is that either it’s a WAY slow sports night, or all 1,500 copies of the “2001-2005 World Series of Poker” have been misplaced. Of course, I’m not complaining.

Sadly, I could see the writing on the wall when I was listening to the pre-game on the radio. The jocks were going on and on about how Boston had lost so many on the road in a row, how they had gone into the tank, all this kind of stuff. As I listened, all that I could think about was that this is a game the Jazz can easily lose. Especially because most of the Jazz players were coming off of an extended vacation, not having to bother with participating in Houston.

The worst part was that I could sit and watch it live for a change. I was home playing Daddy while my wife was out of town, working. So, I was flipping between the Jazz game, the Olympics, and “American Idol”, so that when my wife called later, I could discuss the efforts of the female contestants and help her to whittle down her choices to vote (she ended up voting for 7 of the 12 contestants). When the Jazz got a double-digit lead in the second quarter, I actually took the game out of rotation for a while, allowing me to just use the “back” button to toggle between the Olympics and “Idol”. Can’t we get a back button that will go through more than just two choices? I mean, I could set up a favorites list with those three channels, but that’s WAY too much work. Am I asking too much?

Anyway, by the time I mixed the game back in, it had gone south in a big way. The Celtics, a team built around making tons of threes and letting Paul Pierce shoot 500 times a game, got hot, and started bombing away. The Jazz seemed a little disinterested, and rode quietly off into the night. By the middle of the fourth quarter, I had soothed my feelings with a nice, warm bath (my daughter’s, not mine), and was watching the Americans choke in Torino before the game even ended.

So, with the first match-up of the season with the surprising NO/OKC Hornets the next day, it became a contest amongst all of the Jazz writers to see which lead they would post. Was it “Did someone let the Jazz know that the All-Star break was over?” or “Time for Chris Paul to show the Jazz what a mistake they made”. So, after sifting through those gems over and over, I was glad that they had a game again.

Because of the early start time, I was able to catch the first quarter before I was forced to play remote control derby again, and after the Jazz laid that 12-point egg in the first quarter, an 11-point deficit on the road against a good home team seemed a little much to overcome. So, I zoned through most of it, listening on the radio while I called the Guinness people to ask them if I did indeed have a world record weight diaper for a 7-month old (a disturbing sidebar, for certain. Let’s just say that 1 jar of sweet potatoes + 8 oz. of juice + 5 oz. of formula in one sitting at Grammy’s house = an explosive situation several hours down the road. That, and the encore performance this morning, were eye-opening to say the least). Alas, the world record is held by a 7-month old labratory chimp in China. But I digress.

I was still listening half-heartedly en route to the airport when the Jazz came alive in the fourth quarter, outscoring the Hornets by 14 and coasting to a win. I was beginning to think that this would be the start of a downward spiral for the Jazz, and began to dread writing these blogs about the last 15 crummy games of the season while they play out the string. So this rally surprised me, rather pleasantly. There’s no guarantee that a collapse won’t happen, but if they can beat up on this same Hornets team on Saturday, it can only build some momentum for the stretch run.

Some quick thoughts:

- How nice was it to see Deron Williams assert himself and get the most of Chris Paul in the fourth quarter? While Chris Paul will the runaway Rookie Of The Year, and stands to be a superstar in the NBA for years to come, I don’t think that the Williams v. Paul case is so cut and dried. Playing one of those “We’ll never know for sure” games, if the Jazz had Paul and the Hornets D-Will, I think that it would be closer to how it is right now than people think. I love Jerry Sloan, but the two areas that drive me crazy about him are his stubborn refusal to change (double-teaming the low post to leave open three-point shooters is a philosophy that stopped working about 10 years ago), and his impatience in developing young talent. I mean, did you SEE Kirk Snyder’s dunk the other night? And while he only had 9 points last night, he’s starting on a playoff-bound team. I’m sure that we could use him somewhere. But, he got buried on the bench, and never got the chance to develop. Maybe Chris Paul would have shined so brightly, that Jerry couldn’t keep him on the bench. But after a half-season of doing the three point guard tango (with two capable, but journeyman guards), and being asked to not only learn the 1 position, but also the shooting guard spot, and maybe Chris Paul doesn’t have quite the year. Of course, we’ll never know for sure. At least for one night, Deron Williams got some of his mojo back.

-Nice to see Memo only get 7 points and the Jazz still win. I expect that the Young Turk’s back was getting tired of carrying the entire team around. A couple of months ago, seeing Memo in single digits meant a blowout loss. 4 guys had 14 or more points, including Mr. Carlos Boozer. AK-47 was only 2 blocks short of another triple-double, and as excited as he got with the first one, I half-expected him to set up a mini trampoline on the court to help him get the other two swats.

- Lastly, where is Ostertag? 3 minutes against the C’s, and the always exciting DNP-coach’s decision last night. Maybe he stepped on Jerry’s line when they were golfing during the All-Star break.

All in all, it was a good win. These next 28 games should be a lot of fun. If Boozer can get back into the swing of things, and if Williams can keep improving, the Jazz should make the playoffs. They’re only 1 1/2 games behind the Lakers, and nothing would make me happier than to catch those guys. Plus, we might see a 60-shot night out of Kobe.

Anyway, this break is good for me, and it certainly seems to be good for the Jazz. Those last two games were pretty ugly; I think I heard one of them humming “Leaving On A Jet Plane” during the Laker game. And while they only lost by six, it was a terrible game all around. Of course, I was just glad to follow the game online and not see Kobe with 75 points through three quarters.

So, with apologies to David Letterman, here are the top ten reasons that the Jazz are happy for the All-Star break:

#10: Deron Williams and Robert Whaley will have time to come up with better fake names for the next time they’re in a bar fight.

#9: Frees up Harpring to be home with his wife and newborn, thereby allowing him to take his turn at 3:00 a.m. diaper changes / feedings. Being the father of a six-month old, I can PROMISE that this will improve his home life…

#8: Allows Memo more time at home with his new wife. If you don’t believe that this is a good thing, please click here.

#7: Players get more time to prepare their speeches for the Karl Malone jersey retirement night.

#6: Deron Williams can participate in the Rookie / Sophomore challenge, misconnect on three alley-oops, hot dog, and shoot whenever he gets at least one hand on the ball, hopefully getting it ALL out of his system when he comes back to “Jerryball”.

#5: Will give him more time to ice his wrist from shooting 45 times per game (Sorry, that’s one of the top ten reasons KOBE BRYANT is happy about the All-Star break)

#4: C.J. Miles can go home and mark off another 7 days from his “Countdown to legal drinking” calendar.

#3: Robert Whaley will have the time to come up with a new nickname, so Hot Rod will stop calling him “The Big Whale” on the radio.

#2: Kirilenko will have more time to go to local grocery stores, thereby increasing the chances of running into me, setting off another streak of fantastic games, similar to what happened in December.

and the #1 reason that the Jazz are happy about the All-Star break…

…Sloan and Ostertag will finally get to play golf together.

January 30, San Antonio Spurs 79, Jazz 70
This game was pretty sloppy, with neither team getting above 80 points. The Jazz shot an anemic 32% from the field, and while they hung around until the fourth quarter, they were never really in this one. The Spurs were definitely the better team on this night.

February 1, Jazz 103, Denver Nuggets 90
Redemption night! After the Jazz went to the Mile High City and got a 30-point whupping the week before, Utah was looking to turn the tables. But after Denver shot almost 60% from the field in the first half, things didn’t look good. Fortunately, the Jazz outscored the Nuggets 23-16 in the third quarter, and Carmelo shot a more typical 8 for 22 from the field. This was Denver’s fourth loss in a row, and as of right now, they’re only a game ahead of the Jazz. Time will tell if Marcus Camby’s return can right this ship.

February 3, Jazz 89, Sacramento Kings 79
The return of Ron! We all got a look at the new Sacto Kings with Ron Artest in their lineup. I was at work this night, following along on the computer, and it was not pretty. Down 11 going into the fourth, the Jazz looked as though they would need a miracle to come back. Cue up a fourth quarter in which the Kings missed EVERY shot that they took from the field. All of them. 0 for 20. Unbelievable. I ended up turning on the game on the radio, and listened in. It was almost like a car wreck that you couldn’t turn away from. The Jazz ended up outscoring the Kings by 22 in the quarter and came away with an improbable win.

The best part? I went home to watch the rebroadcast on KJZZ, and when the fourth quarter started, every time a Kings player took a shot, I said “Missed it” as soon as it left his hand. This tickled me for a good half of the quarter. I guess that’s what happens when you start to watch a game at midnight.

February 5, Sacramento Kings 96, Jazz 78
I didn’t see more than 10 minutes of this game. Between other Sunday commitments, and the Super Bowl pregame, it wasn’t even a choice. Besides, I knew that they wouldn’t win this one. Those home-and-home sets are almost impossible to sweep. From what I saw/read, this one was never in doubt.

February 6, Jazz 109, Chicago 107 (OT)
The most amazing one of the bunch. As I listened on the radio, the Jazz battled back to lead by 6 with 1:30 to go, and somehow let Ben Gordon, the guy who hit 9 three-pointers in their previous game, get a wide open look at a triple to tie it up with 7 seconds left. Big Mo was definitely sitting on the Bulls bench now, and the Bulls took control in OT, leading by as much as 7 points. It was one of those games that felt like a blown opportunity, and I was waiting for the impending loss.

But the Jazz showed a great deal of heart. They hit back-to-back threes to cut the lead, and then the final series of events, culminating in Memo’s three, actually brought me out of my seat at work. I watched it at home over and over again, and it was truly amazing:

- Tyson Chandler, a pitiful FT shooter, missed his second shot, and AK grabbed the board, seeming to pull it off of the rim in the process. I only saw the oppposite end, under the basket view that the KJZZ primates love to use, but it looked pretty iffy.

- Harpring really seemed to force his shot. I know that he had 28 points, and had played really well, but they ran that pick down play where he gets the ball at the free throw T and shoots, but that was covered, so he drove baseline and faded away, which is something he usually doesn’t do. Anyway, it was a forced shot that missed badly.

- Luol Deng fought AK for the rebound, grabbed it, and promptly proceeded to crap his pants. What was he thinking? He had Devon Brown and Kirilenko in between him and the outlet guy he was looking for. Deng is shooting 78% from the free throw line on the season, so it’s not like he was trying to get rid of it for that reason. Hold the ball, let the Jazz foul him, and it’s probably the ball game.

- Devon Brown deflected the pass, right into AK’s hands, who swung it back out to Palacio. Milt took a step, pump faked, and realizing that he was blanketed by Gordon, threw it over to Memo.

- Memo never hesitated, faked, nothing, just let it fly. I loved Bolerjack’s call:

“Four seconds left…Memo…money…GOOD!!!!!” as the crowd goes understandably berzerk in the background. Definitely Boler’s highlight so far this year (he has been wildly disappointing this year, a discussion for another time). I even got “the special feelings” just now, when I was typing this.

- There was one more little drama; 0.7 seconds were left on the clock, and after a timeout, Chicago inbounded to Andrea Noccioni straightaway. I guess he decided that he had enough time to catch the ball, let Kirilenko fly by, and THEN shoot. Of course he drained it, so the refs went over to check, but it was clearly no good. The Bulls were gone by the time the refs waved it off, and the celebration began. An amazing game.

Well, that brings us up to tonight. All kinds of subplots here. The T’wolves are 1 1/2 games back, so a Jazz win tonight would put them in the rearview mirror a little more, and put pressure on Denver as well. Denver has Dallas and their 13-game win streak coming to town, and I’m predicting a Denver win, so the Jazz need to win to hold their ground.

Plus, Mr. Carlos Boozer is reported to be getting some PT tonight. How long will he play? Will he be rusty? Will his hamstring actually detatch from his body? Should be interesting…

Did you ever have a friend who dated someone for a long, long time, but never quite got married? They finally break up, only to get back together again, because they can’t live without each other, even if they can’t really live WITH each other.

Meet Jerry Sloan and Greg Ostertag.

Now I had the distinct pleasure of working the night of the Jazz / Sonics mess. Listening to it at work, it was pretty obvious after about five minutes that this would be one of those games that I would immediately execute from my DVR. No skimming through it, seeing what took place when, just go to “Erase” and WHAMMO! It’s gone.

So, I was reading the paper online (we don’t subscribe; my wife thinks that newspaper is “icky”), and when I saw that Jerry and O-Tag had a blow-up after the game, I instinctively looked for a calendar and said, “Is it that time of year already?”. Just like dirty black snow on the roads and weeks of inversions that make people feel like they have black lung disease, this little episode is a rite of spring here in the Salt Lake valley.

Shouldn’t we come up with a cute name for them like the tabloids do for couples? You know…like “Bennifer”, or “Brangelina”, or “TomKat”? What about “Jerritag”? Any objections? Okay, Jerritag it is.

Everyone knew this was coming. Heck, Ostertag even mentioned something in the preseason, about how he would probably butt heads with Jerry at some point. At first, Tag was the #1 cheerleader on the bench, and he really seemed animated during the games, allowing light to pass under his feet tens of times during the first month of the season. But now that we’re stuck in the grind of the season, three to four games a week, it seemed like we were on “Jerritag Watch 2006″. And it all came to a head the other night. From everything that I read, they started yelling at each other in a training room, only to have the bossman, Larry Miller poke his head in the door and take his turn at Ostertag as well.

JerLarItag? SloMillerTag? Probably a little much.

Larry has had a very short fuse this year, and the fact that Ostertag is from Dallas, where all of those gay cowboys come from, and I’m sure that Larry has him on a VERY short leash. Wouldn’t you love to see Sloan look at Tag and say, “I wish I could quit you” like on the “Brokeback Mountain” preview? It would be the highlight of the Jazz season so far, I’m quite sure.

So what is the end result of this? Ostertag won’t play in his hometown on Saturday night, leaving the Jazz with the two-headed monster of Okur and Collins against the Mavericks, one of the hottest teams in the league. Boozer will probably feel another twinge in his hammy, because that hasn’t happened in days, and Denver is starting to put some distance between them and the Jazz. Utah is clinging to the eighth seed in the West by a half game over the Nomadic New Orleans-Oklahoma City Hornets, hoping to squeak into the playoffs and be the first round sacrificial lamb of the Spurs.

Fortunately, there’s a long way to go in the season. Jerritag is good for at least one more blow-up. These two have been here before, they know to pace themselves, and they’ll take things day by day.

Mid-April sounds about right to me. Stay tuned…

Oops, my bad.

No doubt about it, King James was awesome in the second half. He played well in the first, but he really found a rhythm in the second half, and kept making play after play. Even on the “you breathed on him” foul on Kirilenko when he surpassed 5,000, it was an impressive play. And boy, can that guy fly.

Quick interuption here: I don’t plan on saying too much about the Jazz / Nuggets game. There isn’t much to say. When you go into an arena with the chance to pull ahead of that team for first place in the standings, and you leave with a 30-point whupping, I mean WOW. They were ice-cold in the first quarter, Carmelo Anthony finally lived up to some of his hype, and the Jazz just got worked. Blown opportunity for sure, but the Nuggets are playing as well as anyone right now. Interruption over.

Back to the Cavs game, and I was spared most of the fourth quarter thanks to some “Daddy” responsibilities, which was a good thing. I didn’t feel like cleaning up my own vomit off of the floor (instead of my daughter’s) after I saw a Delta Center standing ovation for LeBron. Seriously, I might have booted all over my carpet if I had seen that.

Now I can appreciate a good performance by a visiting player. My top 3 “enemy” player performances that I saw live in the Delta Center:

3. Michael Jordan, Chicago Bulls, 1995-96 season

This is the Bulls team that went 72-10. MJ had something like 40 points, and even though the Jazz gave them one of those 10 losses for the year, it was an amazing performance to watch.

2. Kenny Smith, Houston Rockets, Game 2, 1995 playoffs

The Jazz were primed to go deep into the playoffs. I had made the mistake of making a date with a girl that I liked on that day, so I thought that I would solve the problem by scalping tickets and taking her to the game. The Jazz were leading going into halftime, when the earth shifted on it’s axis, and threw everything in my life into a tailspin. Kenny Smith hit 8 three-pointers, demoralizing the Jazz and eventually running them out of the first round, the girl started acting really weird, all kinds of bizarre things…this is very well documented amongst my friends. Shook my whole life up for about six months. Anyway…

1. Mahmoud Abdul-Raouf, Denver Nuggets, 1990

This was one of those games back when I was in high school, and my buddies and I decided to go to a game at the last minute. We went down to the box office and got nosebleed seats. We were so late, in fact, that the three of us sat on three aisle seats, one right after the other. So, Abdul-Raouf goes crazy, getting 53 points, running off of screen after screen. Probably the best shooting performance I’ve ever seen, and definitely the best performance by a guy named Chris Jackson who gave himself a Muslim name and has Tourett’s Syndrome. My only disappointment was not being close enough to the court to hear his unintentional curse words as he lit up the Jazz.

So, I can appreciate a good performance, even if it isn’t by someone in a Jazz jersey. And LeBron was fantastic. He had several great finishes at the hoop, he hit a couple of “heat check” jumpers, basically everything was clicking. But a standing-O? Iverson had 46 a few weeks ago in the DC, and there was no standing ovation. I can think of two situations which would merit a standing ovation: first, a final “farewell” game for someone like Dr. J, who was 100% class, or even some like Magic Johnson, because the crowd would no longer have to worry about him spraying blood into the stands if he got hit in the nose. And second, a “once-in-a-lifetime” game, something that may never be seen again. Even the Laker fans got off their cell phones long enough last night to give Kobe and standing ovation after his 81 points. I’d clap for that, and I think that Kobe is a horrible teammate, mediocre husband, and an excellent rapist.

In other words, when I saw Jordan play, he’d have to have 150 points, jump from the 3-point line and dunk, and then I’d probably stand and clap. The only other way you’d get me out of my seat when he was leaving the game would be to pour hydrochloric acid in my lap.

The reason that LeBron got the ovation was due to the huge amounts of “non-Jazz” fans in the crowd. Everytime King James did something, he got a huge cheer. I’ve BEEN to Laker Games where entire sections of the crowd cheered for Kobe, and all the bandwagon fans walked around in brand-new jerseys and hats. So once LeBron did his damage, all of his supporters came to their feet, and every other uneducated Jazz fan did the same. Any true blue Jazz fanatic who just watched someone dismantle their team, and then got on their feet deserve to have their Rich Kelly green-and-gold throwback jersey ripped off of their back.

As for me, I’m sitting down. Let’s hope there aren’t any ovations for Vince Carter tonight…

And from an all-around standpoint, Andrei is playing as well as anyone in the league. But his time away due to injury is sure to cost him.

So, let’s push for these guys. You can vote online if you click HERE. It records your IP address, so you can only vote once a day per computer. Also, when you go to that, it has fields to fill in your address, phone #, etc. You don’t have to fill this in to vote! Go to the bottom of the page, and it will have a link that says “2006 voting” or something like that. I can’t get there because I already voted today. Anyway, if you want to be put on the NBA mailing list, you can fill that out. But if you’re like me, and don’t want Lucifer…I mean, David Stern to know where you live, you can just vote.

I do know what DIDN’T surprise me: the fact that SportsCenter buried the highlights at the end of the hour. I mean, they did have TWO WHOLE NBA games tonight. We saw tons of NHL, they broke down the NFL playoffs over and over…it was obviously a slow news night. Perfect time for the Jazz to move up into the top of the hour, right? If only Jay Bilas could have stretched a couple of more minutes rambling about which underachieving team, Kansas or Kentucky, could go far in the NCAA tournament, or if they could have found another couple of Boston College / Holy Cross highlights, the Jazz game might have been tagged with the ominous “Score Only” highlight. Thanks, ESPN, we can always count on you.

Okay, I’m off my soapbox…

I must make a point of something here. Were I so lucky to have people reading this blog on a consistent basis, they could probably see that I didn’t post anything during the two losses to the Heat and the Clippers, and now that they won, I’m back. It’s a little more involved than that. I only got to watch the Heat game at another person’s house, while we made nice with our neighbors. We were locked into the Broncos / Patriots game, and got very few updates (although we saw enough that my taping the game was pretty much ruined). With the rare afternoon tip against the Clippers, I listened on the radio until I got to work, and followed it from there, through the amazing rally, and the unbelievable collapse in OT. Couple that with me getting hit with a nasty head cold, and the blogging took a hit.

It IS always more fun to write about the Jazz when they win, and tonight was an amazing game to watch. The Jazz moved back into a first-place tie with the T-Wolves and Nuggets (although the Wolves have played 4 fewer games) and pretty much rolled over the Raptors 111-98. They squared their home record up at 9-9, and made a team that had won 7 of their last 9 look like the same old crummy Raptors.

The chemistry on this team is pretty good mix right now of veterans (Ostertag, Harpring, Palacio), rising stars (Kirilinko, Okur), and young talent (Williams, Whaley, etc). There’s definitely a part of me that doesn’t miss Boozer and his hammy. The Jazz are just playing well right now, and now doesn’t seem the time to bring him back and ask the rest of the team to carry him into game shape. Of course, I’m not the one paying him $180,000 per game to sit behind the bench and pseudo-clap during the game.

When the Jazz are playing their game, it’s a really amazing thing to watch. Both the Sixers game and tonight’s game prove to me that there is a place in the NBA for teamwork, precision, and execution. Jerry Sloan really takes his lumps from the fans when the Jazz struggle, but he deserves consideration for Coach of the Year if he can bring these guys together and get into the playoffs. Time after time against the Raptors, the Jazz found each other for wide-open layups. Raptors coach Sam Mitchell tried to go zone, but that was nearly fatal, and the Jazz exploited it repeatedly until they gave it up.

Bottom line: AK is simply amazing, and he has been playing at an All-Star level ever since I walked past him at the grocery store in December. He deserves to be at the All-Star game, although his time off due to injury will probably cost him with the fan votes. And while we’re talking All-Star game, Memo needs to be there, too. Yao Ming is hurt, and I can’t think of too many other West centers who should be there. At least let him go to the 3-point contest!

So, congrats to Andrei for his first triple-double (plus, he was a block and a couple of steals from another 5×5), and congrats to the Jazz for getting back on track. Hopefully they can go to the Pepsi Center on Friday and put the co-Division Leading Nuggets in their rearview mirror.

Can you invoke the Lemon Law on an NBA player? Maybe this is the bad karma getting him for what he allegedly did to the Cleveland organization. Maybe those prolonged periods of time laying on a bench in a seedy tattoo parlor, getting an enormous mural inked into your back puts undue stress on his hamstrings. I stated in this blog last night that the Jazz chemistry might get thrown out of whack when Carlos came back, so maybe he should keep rehabbing until they aren’t winning 90% of their games. Well, I asked for it, now I’ve got it.